के गरिब हुनु श्राप हो त ?

भालेको पहिलो डाको संगै आज ऊ सबेरै उठ्छ । न त उसको हातमा घडी छ न त भित्तामा नै कुनै भित्ते घडी छ । हाम्रै नेपालको कुनै बिरानो गाउको सुन्नमा आएको सानो कथा हो यो । आज ऊ जेलको चिसो भुइँमा बसी टुलुटुलु बाहिरी परिवेस हेरिरहन्छ  लाचार अनि बेवास्ताको साथ , आज भन्दा करिब 10 वर्ष पहिले एउटा गरिब मजदुरी गरेर खाने , झुटो नबोल्ने , अरुलाई ठग्ने उसको नियत थिएन । निस्वार्थ भावनाको उ, करिब 40 वर्ष उमेर भएर पनि कसैको साथ उसलाई थिएन ।सानैमा अनाथ भएकोले होला उ साहु महाजनकोमा  विभिन्न शारीरिक काम गरेर जीविकोपार्जन गर्दथियो ।

My Wife

 Insanity is relative. It depends on who has who locked in what cage.            -Ray Bradbury

I had met her through one of my friends. The first time I saw her I felt like, "Okay, she will do."When Ravi insisted that I should marry her, I had a hard time thinking about my freedom I would lose after my marriage. But I had to marry her if I had to prove them that I wasn't one of nature's golden boys . I felt that the fun of my bachelor life had already come up to the brink, so I decided it was time I settled down. The only problem with her, as my matchmaker friend Ravi said was that she had been suffering from bouts of fainting and hysterics since about two years. The doctors at Dharan had diagnosed that she might have been suffering from some mild form of Conversion Disorder along with OCD; Ravi added that she washed her hands too often. Being a psycho-analyst myself, I felt I could treat her and free her from her benign troubles. As I whispered this fact to him, Ravi beamed at me and said with a sly wink,"Of course! you would do it buddy!"
                       We got married in the local church. I surely had a grand time accepting all those wishes and gifts from my friends and relatives. During the night as Bijeta and me were going through the gifts, she blushed as if she would bleed from her cheeks when suddenly one of the gifts turned out to be a packet of contraceptives. Those pranksters!!!! I threw the packet away as a gesture of showing my affection towards her feelings. I wanted to say to her that I hadn't married her for a sexual partner but a life-partner.
                         I woke up into a wondrous morning and the first thing I thought on that day was why I hadn't married earlier. Her syndrome of conversion never appeared and the obsessive washing of her hands might have just been a prank story from my friends to tease me; a psycho analyst with an obsessed wife!! Not until the sixth month of our marriage!!
                        That morning, I was on the sofa fumbling with my iPhone when I noticed that she looked a bit tense and had been frequenting the bathroom too often. I espied, every time she came out from the bathroom her hands were washed and as she would come out she would stare at me in a strange way. I felt odd and quickly realized from my expertise that she was suffering from her bout of OCD. Well, here was a chance to prove myself! I got up briskly the next time she got into the bathroom and peeped inside through a crevice I was aware of. She was just standing there as if she was trying to remember something. I came down to the sofa and acted as if I had not been anywhere.
                      "Are you feeling alright,honey?" My question, as she got out from the bathroom, startled her.
                      "I'm okay,dear," she said with a pleasant smile.
                      "You got some stomach problem?" The usual medical interrogation.
                       " Something like that," she answered casually."I guess I'm paying for yesterday's heavy partying."
          Well, that was just my suspicion, I felt relieved................but just for the day.
Some disturbing dream woke me up late in the night. Smoked a Surya and turned over to fall into sleep again but found to my horror that she was not there!! The toilet lights were not on and when I looked at the table clock it was 2:30. I decided to wait for her but she didn't come. To my utter embarrassment in the morning, I realized that I had dozed off as I lay waiting there. She was there totally and I felt that was just one of my weird dreams until I looked down at the ashtray and found that I physically smoked a cigarette late in the night.
        Though I tried to force the incident out of my mind, it kept on occurring. The next night also, she was missing. This time I got up and looked around, I found her sleeping on the sofa so I didn't disturb her. The most possible reason for her strange behavior at night must have been because of somnambulism. People walk in their sleep and don't recall anything when they are awake. Some of my patients even performed various house hold chores while in their state of trance. The idea seemed funny, but the next time she would start sleep walking, I would go along her and film her in the digital camera which I had purchased recently. I even thought of uploading the movie on U-tube, maybe we would become famous with this sleep walking video!!!
                           It was only on the nineteenth day from the conception of this idea that I was able to spy her getting up from her bed. As soon as she got out of the door in a trance like movement, I followed her with the camera suppressing my laughter. But my laughter didn't need any kind of suppression after she crossed the gate and the road and headed towards the woods; instead it turned into a frown, a grave frown automatically. One part of me opted for taking her upon my shoulder to the bedroom and let her have a peaceful sleep but the other decided otherwise. I wanted to know where exactly she was going and even doubted whether she was sleep walking at all.
                           With the Canon stretched on my hand, I followed her from a safe distance. Due to the darkness, filming was out of question, instead I had to peer in the dark lest I should fall or bump into something. She walked continuously devoid of any stumbling whereas I had to continuously grope for the nearest tree in the dimmed light of my cell phone. After having walked for about ten minutes, when I felt that everything I was doing was fruitless, I decided to rest, I thought wherever she was going she would certainly come back the same way.
                          I sat down on the ground and instantly jumped up with a start because I had sat on something soft similar to the lap of some person. When I focused the cell phone's glowing LCD towards where I had sat, a cry of fear escaped my mouth. There she was, sitting on the ground, her hair looked like some failed getup from a horror flick and her eyes were closed.In the dark, I had sat exactly on her lap. I shook her with all my might to take her out of this dream but she gave no response. I was terrified; listened to her heart and there was a faint murmur.
                        You know a psychiatrist always doesn't think in the Freudian way, and me too,  I didn't think that it was some ordinary sleep walking but something paranormal. I called the ambulance but we were out of network coverage. I ran towards my house, which was in fact just about a kilometer away. I opened the door with a bang, rushed towards the living room and immediately ran out of it because there in the center of the room was she, standing and asleep. Quite baffled with this new phenomenon and believing that something paranormal was going on with my wife, I approached her cautiously and shook her. Oh yes, she was a bit warmer now, much more warmer than she had been in the woods. And her heart too, was beating louder.
                         I gently carried her in my arms and let her sleep in the bed. It was already 3 in the morning so I decided  I would do the talking the next morning.
                         Next morning, she was cheerful as usual and didn't complain about any difficulties in her sleep. My mind was being nagged with this question: how had she reached home before me the other night? Can sleepwalkers run faster than one who is awake? I didn't let the question out of my heart as she seemed very much normal.But I had decided to tell Ravi everything about this and I was going to request him to stay around the house that night. We had to do something about this strange phenomenon.
                        Ravi, to my surprise, arrived with a friend and he said that the friend was a researcher on the paranormal. At first I was a bit cross with him but later conciliated as I felt that anyone who had some knowledge on a thing would be better than a dumb ass.Our plan was simple, as soon as she would walk out of the house, one of them would follow her which would be me and the other two would get inside the house , stay in two separate rooms and wait and watch her arrival. Our main aim was to find out how she would arrive from the woods, flying, running or like Ravi's friend told- in some astral travelling or some shit.
                        Awakened by Ravi, tugging at my pyjamas, I understood the signal and hurried downstairs with a torchlight. As I came out of the main door, she was just getting into the woods. I ran as fast as I could but couldn't get a glimpse of her. I searched for her frantically with the torchlight but to no avail. She had disappeared in the bushes. I returned back after some minutes, she hadn't returned so Ravi and I decided to go into the woods again and search her as I felt too creepy to go out there all alone. We searched and searched but found no one.
                     After about an hour, when we returned to the house and as we crept upstairs, we could hear a faint moan coming out of my bedroom. What we saw inside was quite infuriating, Ravi's friend was about to fall atop my stark naked wife. I pulled him by his collar and kicked him out of the house. Ravi, embarrassed, slipped away in the dark. But my wife was still asleep!
                        So, the idea of any help disappeared from mind. I never bothered to ask the man as to when and how exactly she had returned back. But this phenomenon continued and I requested Ravi and his friend to lock their lips. Since she didn't hurt anyone and always came back home, I stopped worrying about her.                                                                                  
                             Not until one morning when a police officer knocked at my door. I opened the door and had him seated.
                        "How you doing Mr. Rai?'' He asked with a cheerful face but I noticed that as soon as I had opened the door, he had tried to peep inside through my shoulders.
                         "Fine officer! Anything I can help you with?"
                         "I have some questions for your wife. Can I see her? This will take just some minutes." He spoke authoritatively.
                         "Of course officer but she is asleep. Would you mind coming back in the afternoon?" I felt a bit tensed up.
                         "By the way, what is it about officer?" I felt anxious.
                          "Oh it's nothing serious. We have some complaints from your neighbour, not about you but the folks who live near the woods. I just wanted to know whether she could confirm their suspicions."
                        "Oh yeah ! The folks down there are pretty nasty. Is the complaint about late night noises?"
                        "No, sir. The matter is a bit complex. Some stalker, it seems climbs up everyone's windows late in the night and peeps inside. Some voyeur I guess!" And the officer gave a hearty laugh, that was a really loud laugh indeed but I heard the door creaking me behind too. And before I could turn back to see who it was, the officer who was standing in front of me had me caught in a lock with his arms and two men more from behind were cuffing my legs. I was completely at a loss and shouted for help but it seems no one heard me.
                          In the police custody, they charged me with the murder of my wife. They said they had found her remains buried deep in the woods.She had been killed immediately after her wedding .I told them my story but no one believed me. I called Ravi to my help but he plainly denied that he had ever come to my house for the investigation of my wife's mysterious appearance from the woods. I was baffled and trapped. They said I was sick, sick with some form of psychopathology but they never understood that I had lived with her throughout this time, laughed with her, teased her, slept with her and I even told them that when I would go out of the custody she would surely be waiting for me in the house.
                         But nobody believes me....................................nobody believes my story............
                       







                       

दुर्घटना

              .................... र त्यसरी म जन्म कैद को भागीदार भए / अहिले म मेरो चिसो कोठरीभित्र बसेर सोचिराखेको छु, अनि  आफ्नो मुर्खतालाई आफै सराप्दै बसिराखेको छु / त्यो मेरो एउटा सानो भुल ले गर्दा म अहिले यो कालो कोठा भित्र बन्द भएको छु / हुनत त्यो वकिल पनि धेरै नै बाठो थियो अनि त्यो पुलिसवाला हरु पनि धेरै नै चतुरे रहेछन ......म हारे अन्तिममा / नेपालमा पुलिस हरु धेरै नै सुस्त अनि मुर्ख हुन्छ भन्दछन तर म त्यो कुरा मान्दिन/ 

             त्यो दिन अझै सम्झिन्छु जब त्यो दुर्घटना भएको थियो / म अफिस  बाट फर्किदै थिए , कारभित्र ठुलो आवाजमा Cradle of Filth को गीत घन्किरहेको थियो / म शान्त नै थिए , कुनै खासै तनाब या मानसिक चिन्ता थिएन/ पहाड को बाटो घुम्ती घुमाउरो हुने नै भयो ...र पनि मेरो गल्ति चै ( अहिले सम्झिदा ) के थियो भने मेरो गति अलिक धेरै नै थियो ..पहाडी बाटो को संदर्वमा / बाटोमा खासै धेरै सवारी साधन हरु नगुडेको हुदा म निर्धक्क भएर ड्राइभ गरिराखेको थिए/ पहाडी बाटो ...एउटा घुम्ती बाट अर्को घुम्तीमा को आउदैछ भनेर पहिले नै थाहा पाई हालिन्छ/ तर यो सोच नै मेरो भुल थियो ...............................

              अचानक मेरो अगाडी बजारबाट किनमेल गरेर फर्किदै गरेको केटीहरुको हुल पर्दा मेरो मन त एकदमै सन्न भयो , मैले केहि सोच्न सकिन/ केटि हरु पनि आफ्नै बाटो जस्तै गरेर बाटो नै छेकी हिडिरहेका रहेछन , शायद उनीहरुले पनि सोचेनन कुनै गाडी तेती आवाजविहीन अनि तेती स्पीड म उनीहरुको अगाडी आइपुग्छ भनेर ! मेरो दुर्भाग्य!! त्यो दिन फेरी ठिक्क कुन चाही पार्टीको को हो नेपाल बन्द थियो , तर पनि फाट्ट फुट्ट गाडी हरु चलिरहेका थिए / 

              केटि हरु चिच्याएको आवाज मैले गाडी भित्र बाटै सुने, त्यो एउटा split second मा मेरो सोच कसरि उनीहरुलाई बचाउने अनि कसरि आफु बच्ने नै थियो / सानो बाटो , बाटो नै छेकेका छ सात जना केटि हरु अनि मेरो गति ...............कुनै उपाय अपनौना भन्दा नै पहिले मैले एकजना केटि लै मेरो गाडीको बोंनेट मा ठोक्कीएर सिसाको माथि हुदै हावामा गोता खाएको देखे / दस मिटर पर गएर मेरो कार त रोक्कियो तर मैले पछाडी फर्केर हेर्न सकिन ............सुने मात्रै , चिच्याहट अनि दौड धुप / केहि समयमा नै त्यहाँ सयौं मान्छे हरुको भिड लाग्यो ....बजारको दिन थियो / "ड्राईभर लाइ समात , ड्राईभएर लाइ समात !" सबै मान्छे हरु यहि नै चिच्याइरहेका थिए/

                 म भाग्न पनि सक्थे तर मेरो हृदय ले त्यो मानेन , जे पर्छ बेहोर्छु भनेर म कार भित्र नै बसिरहे/ कार को झ्याल फुटाइयो , ढोका खोलियो अनि म माथि लात अनि घुस्साको बर्सात सुरु भयो / मैले सहिराखे, मेरो मन मा यति नै थियो कि उनीहरुले मलाई नमारुन, म मर्नु भन्दा पहिले पुलिस आएर मेरो रक्छ्या गरोस / लात घुस्सा को आवाज भन्दा पनि पर मेरो कान मा एउटा आवाज गहिरो रुपमा छिरिरहेको थियो / केटि मान्छेको अवाज जुन कर्कस स्वरमा ,"त्यसलाई मारिदे, त्यो बजियालाई मारिदे !" भनेर चिच्याई रहेको थियो/   

                कुटाईले गर्दा म बेहोस भएछु , पछि आँखा खोलि हेर्दा म पुलिस थाना भित्र थिए/ एक प्रकारले त ढुक्क नै लाग्यो, बाचिएछ भनेर ...........मलाई कुनै पनि आश थिएन त्यो मैले ठक्कर दिएको केटि बचेको छ भन्ने र हुन पनि तेस्तै थियो / मेरो नजिक बसेको प्रहरी जवान लाइ के भयो भाई त्यो केटीलाई भन्दा उसले मलाई केवल घुरिरह्यो / अनि मैले बुझे/

                 प्रहरी थाना बाहिर ठुलो भिड थियो, त्यो केटीको लास थाना  अगाडी लम्पसार थियो, मान्छेहरु नारा लगाउदै थिए/ मलाई त्यो सब पल हरु अहिले पनि समझदा सपना झैँ लाग्दछ / म हिरासत मा थिए, सुरक्षित थिए / तर म भित्र को मन चाही जेल भित्र परिसकेको थियो ......आजन्म को लागि / म भित्र आत्मग्लानीको बाढी चलिरहेको थियो अनि हृदय भित्र १० रेक्टर स्केल को भूकम्प / मलाई सरिर मा त धेरै नै चोट लागेको थियो तर मन मा लागेको चोट को अगाडी त्यो केहि थिएन ; मेरो एउटा हात चलिरहेको थिएन अनि अनुहार र जिउ सुन्निएर चटपट गर्नु नै भैरहेको थिएन /

                 मैले थाना मा आफ्नो गल्ति कबुल गरे / हिरासत मा बसेको पाचौ दिनमा मेरो वकिल ले मलाई मेरो दिमाग नै हल्लिने खालको खबर सुनायो/ मृतक पट्टिका ले मैले जानी बुझिकन सुनियोजित तवरले दुर्घटना को नाटक गरेर हत्या गरेको आरोप लगाएछन् !! मेरो लागि त्यो एउटा अचम्म को खबर नै थियो !! मलाई त मृतक को होला भनेर पनि अझ सम्म राम्ररी थाहा थिएन , मैले त्यो जान्ने चेस्टा पनि गरिन / पक्राउ पर्ने बित्तिक्कै म पाँच दिन सम्म त कसै संग नबोली हिरासत मा नै बसिराखेको थिए/ म जान्न पनि चाहदिनथिए किनकि मेरो बोझिल मन लाइ म अझै अपराधबोध ले भर्न चाहदिन थिए, त्यो केटि को बिगत अनि आफन्तको बिजोग म सुन्न सक्दिन थिए/ म धेरै नै कम्जोर भैसकेको थिए , कतिपल्ट त मलाई आत्महत्या गरेर यो अपराध बोध बाट मुक्ति पाउन पनि मन लागेको थियो/ ................मैले कसैको ज्यान लिएको थिए, मैले कसैलाई कहिले न उठ्ने गरि सुताई दिएको थिए..............................

                 हो रैछ ........मलाई अदालतमा लगियो अनि आफु माथि लागेको मुद्दाको बर्णन गराइयो/ म इन्कार गर्ने पक्छमा थिदैथियिन / मैले आफ्नो वकिल लाई पहिले नै आफु सजायको भागीदार हुन तयार छु भनेर भनिसकेको थिए/ चाहे जे सुकै होस्, मृत्युदण्ड नै पनि म स्वीकार गर्न तयार थिए/ 

                  अदालतमा ठुलो भिड थियो , तर मैले चिनेको कोहि नै थिएन / मैले सरसर्ती आँखा घुमाउद त्यहाँ सबै अनुहार हरु अपरिचित नै थिए, सोचे सायद मेरो परिवार अनि मेरो साथी भाई हरुले मेरो गल्ति स्वीकार गरेछन / लाग्यो उनीहरु एकजना अपराधीको वकालत गर्न किन पो यहाँ आउथे र ??????

                  "तपाई यो केटीलाई चिन्नुहुन्छ?" वकिल को आवाजले म झस्किए/ उसले मेरो आँखाकै अगाडी एउटा फोटो हल्लाउदै थियो / मैले फोटो हेरे अनि असहमतिमा टाउको हल्लाए / 

                   "अनि यो चाही को होनी ?" वकिल ले फेरी अर्को फोटो मेरो अनुहारमै ल्याएर जोतायो/ मैले राम्ररी हेरे अनि फेरी टाउको हल्लाए / मलाई त्यो फोटो मा भएको पुरुस चाही कता कता देखे जस्तो लाग्यो तर सम्झिने चेस्टा गरिन , स्त्री चाही भर्खर वकिल ले देखाएको केटि नै थियो /

                   " यो पुरुष तपाई नै हो," वकिल को भनाइ मेरो मुटुमा तिर झैँ रोपियो , मैले हत्त  पत्त वकिल को हात बाट खोसे , हो रैछ...म नै रैछु तर त्यो म र अहिले यो कठघरा मा उभिएको म मा आकाश पाताल को फरक थियो / फोटोमा म मुस्कुराईरहेको थिए, जुन अहिलेको स्थितिमा सम्झिदा असम्भव थियो ..त्यै भएर मैले सायद आफैलाई चिन्न सकिनछु !! मैले सहमति मा टाउको हल्लाए/

                     "महोदय, म यो भन्न चाहन्छु कि मृतक र अभियुक्त बीच धेरै पहिले घनिष्ट सम्बन्ध थियो, तर त्यो सम्बन्ध टुटे पश्चात अनि मृतक ले अर्कै संग बिहे गरेपछि नै अभियुक्त ले यो सड्यन्त्र रचिरहेको थियो / र अन्तिम मा आफ्नो योजना मा सफल पनि भयो !!" वकिल चिच्याइरहेको थियो ...........मेरो दिमाग सोच्नु नसक्ने अवस्थामा घुमिरहेको थियो /

                   " तपाई कार मा जादा कहाँ निर उक्त युवतीहरुको भिड संग भेट भाको थियो?"

                   " मैले देख्न सकिन ,महोदय ! मैले एउटा घुम्ती मा गाडी घुमाउदा  एकैचोटी मेरो अगाडी ६-७ जना केटीहरुको हुल देखे ........मैले जोगाउन खोजे तर सकिन / तर म यो फोटो को चाही बिस्वाश गर्दिन/ यो सरासर झुटो हो/ म मृतकलाई चिन्दिनथिए!! " मैले बोल्ने पर्ने भयो /

                   "अनि यो चाही को हो ? अनि यो चाही को हो ?" भन्दै वकिल ले त्यो केटी र मेरो संगै बसेको फोटो हरु मेरो अगाडी छरपस्ट पारिदियो/ 

                   "मृतक मेरिना, केटीहरुको भिड मा सबभन्दा बाया पट्टि थिइन , तर कसरि दाया पट्टि गुडिरहेको  गाडी गएर उसलाई हिर्काउन पुग्यो ? म भन्छु अनि प्रमाणित गर्न सक्छु अभियुक्त ले जानी जानी यो दुर्घटना गराएको हो योर ओनोर ! कसरि आफ्नो सिधै अगाडिको मान्छेलाई नहानी त्यो गाडी सबभन्दा कुनामा भएको व्यक्तिमा ठोक्कियो?"

                   " के तपाई उक्त फोटो हरु को सत्यतालाई स्विकार्नु हुन्छ ??" न्यायाधिश जो अहिले सम्म चुप थियो , मलाई सम्बोधन गर्दैथियो/

                   मैले अब त्यहाँ धेरै ढातिरहने  ठाउं थिएन," हो हजुर, हामी बीच सम्बन्ध थियो तर दुर्घटना को बेलामा मलाई थाहा थिएन कि मैले हानेको महिला मेरी पूर्व प्रेमिका हुन् भनेर!!" 

                    अदालतमा मेरो चिच्याहट ले सुन्यता ल्याइदियो ! 

                  "अब यो पनि कबुल गर्नुहोस , तपाईद्वारा यो दुर्घटना सुनियोजित तवरले घटाइएको थियो!" वकिल त्यो सुन्यतालाई तोड्दै चिच्यायो/

                   " के प्रमाण छ तपाइँ संग?" म पनि चिच्याए/ मेरो सहन शक्ति अब बिस्तारै शुन्य मा पुगिसकेको थियो/

                     "प्रमाण? म संग प्रमाण छ महोदय / कृपया साक्छि लाई भित्र बोलाउन पाउँ, महोदय !"

अदालत भित्र दिब्यालाइ देख्दा त एकछिन खुसि नै लाग्यो तर मेरो बिरुद्ध मा बोल्न आएको सम्झिने बित्तिक्कै मेरो मन मरेर आयो/

                     "महोदय, त्यो दिन अभियुक्तले मेरिना लाइ बिहानै कल गरेको थियो/ मेरिना ले फोन रिसिब गरिन, किनकि म पनि त्यहि नै थिए/ त्यसपछि हामी बजार गएर फर्किदा अभियुक्तको कार दुइ पल्ट हाम्रो छेउ बाट हुइकिएर गएको थियो / " दिब्या बोल्दै गईन/

                    "मृतक र अभियुक्त बीच बोलचाल भयो?" वकिल ले प्रस्न गर्यो/

"भएन महोदय, दुइ जना बीच बोलचाल नभएको नै ४ वर्ष जति भैसकेको थियो/"

                    "दिब्या!" मैले यति मात्रै भन्न सके तर त्यो मेरो आवाज कसैले सुन्यो जस्तो मलाई अहिले लाग्दैन /

                      "अनि?" 

               " अभियुक्त मेरो आफ्नै दाइ हो.........तर वहाले पर बाट देखि देखि नै गाडीको स्पीड बडाएर मेरिना लाइ ठक्कर दिनु भएको हो !" यति भनेर दिब्या रून थालिन अनि मेरो सारा संसार धर्मरायो / मेरो पैताला  मुनिको संसार भासिन थाल्यो/

               " हो हो हो हो मैले नै हो मेरिनालाई मारेको/ मैले नै हो मेरिनालाई मारेको !!" म पागल झैँ चिच्याउन  थाले/ सारा अदालत का मान्छे हरु मतिरै हेरिरहेका थिए/ तर पनि म पागल झैँ चिच्याई रहे/

                जब म शान्त भए, सब शान्त नै थियो / अदालत मा सन्नाटा थियो , वकिल , न्यायाधिश हरु चुपचाप मतिर हेरिरहेका थिए / मलाई त्यो पल एकदमै अनौठो लाग्यो, सब भाडा मा ल्याएका कलाकारहरु जस्तै देखिन्थे / अनि म चाही एउटा अनौठो पात्र/

                 "तपाई स्वीकार गर्नुहुन्छ , तपाइले नै सुनियोजित रुपले यो दुर्घटना गराउन भएको थियो?" वकिल को प्रस्न ले जहिले सन्नाटालाई चिर्दो रहेछ !!

                "हजुर, म स्वीकार्छु , गीतामा  हात नराखी पनि म भन्छु , मैले नै मेरिनालाई ठक्कर दिएर मार्ने योजना बनाएको थिए / र यो योजना मैले ४ वर्ष अगाडी नै बनाएको थिए!" मेरो स्वीकारोक्ति , मलाई नै अचम्म लागिरहेको थियो तर मैले स्वीकार्ने पर्ने भयो/

                 "कारण!??" 

                कारण त मैले पनि सोच्न सकेको थिइन !! किन मारे मैले मेरिनालाई ??म असमन्जसमा परे त्यो प्रश्नले !!

              " महोदय, म अर्को साक्छी लाइ यहाँ निम्त्याउन चाहन्छु /" वकिल अदालत नै थर्किने गरेर बोल्यो/

              अनि अदालत को ढोका खोलियो , र मेरो दिमाग सन्न भयो !! 

               wheelchair मा एकजना महिला बिस्तारै बिस्तारै कठघरा तिर आइन /

               "चिन्नु भो वहालाई?" वकिल ले मेरो कानै दुख्ने गरेर प्रस्न गर्यो/

               मेरो दिमाग केहि सोच्न नसक्ने अवस्थामा थियो / मेरो हृदय भित्र केहि खुलेको जस्तो, केहि छर्लंग भएको जस्तो अनुभव भैरहेको थियो /साथ साथै कहिँ म छाँगाबाट खसिरहेको जस्तै अनुभूति पनि भैरहेको थियो/

               "तपाईले हत्या गर्नु भएको महिला लाइ भेत्नुहोस/ वहा लाइ चिन्नु भयो ?" वकिल बोल्दै थियो, मेरो संसार बदलिदै थियो /

               "वहा तपाइको श्रीमती जसलाई तपाई ले साधारण रुप मा ठक्कर दिएर घाइते बनाउनु भएको थियो .......आज भन्दा ५ वर्ष अगाडी !! त्यसपछि तपाई एउटा अति काल्पनिक संसार मा जानु भयो जहाँ तपाई भित्र अपराध बोध ले डेरा जमायो अनि हरेक पल आफुले आफ्नो श्रीमतीलाई चोट पुर्याउनु को प्रमुख कारण ठान्नु भयो / तर हेर्नु होस् त वहालाई , वहा अहिलेसम्म पनि तपाइलाई साथ दिराख्नु भएको छ , तपाई चाही एउटा साधारण दुर्घटना लाइ लिएर आफ्नो काल्पनिक संसारमा आफै रमाईराख्नु  भएको छ / यो अदालत होइन , तपाइको treatment को लागि तयार पारिएको अदालत हो र हामी सबै यहाँ उपस्थित मानिस हरु डाक्टर हरु हौ / जुन महिलाको हत्या गरेको तपाई ठान्नु हुन्छा र अपराधबोध छ तपाईमा ...........वहा तपाइको अगाडी नै जीवित हुनहुन्छ .............हेर्नुहोस अनि आफ्नो कल्पनाको संसारबाट निक्लिनुहोस डाक्टर साब /" वकिल बोल्दै गयो, अनि मेरो संसार छर्लंग हुदै गयो, मैले मेरी श्रीमती लाई हेरे, मेरी बहिनीलाई हेरे , मेरा बिद्यार्थी डाक्टर हरुलाई हेरे / आफैलाई हेरे, सबैलाई चिन्दै गए, आफैलाई चिन्दै गए .......................... मैले  जुन रोग सम्बन्धि बिसेश्सग्यता हासिल गरेको थिए म त्यहि नै रोग को सिकार भएको थिए / त्यो सारा दुर्घटना त मेरै मनको कल्पना पो रहेछ ..............म त पागल पो भएको थियेछु !!!  

The Dreamers

              The idea seemed so weird when he first proposed it to me. We were having a bad time with our crops, the fields were parched and the few pieces of land where we had cultivated didn't yield much. Children were hungry, we were hungry and we had no money to buy things from the nearest town. It seemed that we were going to die of hunger that winter. You may not believe that Nepal has such places where people constantly fear that  they may die of the agony that hunger creates within the belly. It's hard for most of us to believe!
               I had packed my bags and wanted to get out of that hellish place, my wife had agreed to accompany me. We had promised, if death happened to one of  us within that ordeal ....no one was to be blamed. As I was about to cook the remnants of what I thought was the dust from some maize grains, she said that we had a visitor  outside. I rushed out to see who could have come to help me at this moment of lonesomeness and embarrassment in front of my wife whom I had just picked up from the  mela some months ago after a drunken brawl with her admirers.
               Who else but a nut had come to visit me in the time of my deepest miseries! As soon as I recognised that fool of a man, who had left his city home in Kathmandu, sorrow stricken by the death of his wife, I rushed in as soon as I had rushed out and harnessed my backpacks. "Where you upto?" He asked me as if he didn't know! " Aren't you leaving this wretched place?" I asked him bewildered because his question made me feel that he wasn't going to run away from this place like he had run away from Kathmandu about a decade ago.
 "Are you running away?" This man never spoke much but I was bewildered with his friendliness today.
"Aren't you? " I got a bit testy then.
"Why should I ? Help is on the way ! Maybe tomorrow!"
But still I wanted to run away from that place! "How do you know?"
"Just wait another day,"he spoke calmly as if he had managed that help he was talking about.
                 Then I was in a dilemma, to be or not to be, in that merciless place.........my birthplace." Are you sure?" I asked him hoping that somehow he might have managed some help from his links from the old days.
"Wait and see," that's what he said and walked away to my neighbour's house who was planning to move the next day.
' Well?' I looked at my wife and she seemed so feeble that if I made her walk that day then I would be feeling guilty throughout my life.
"Let's wait a day," she walked into the house. There was no harm in waiting, so I followed her.
                              Next day, at around six in the morning a helicopter which was on its way to deliver some food aid to the village,it was in more dire need for food than ours, crashed in the jungle below the mountains. We rushed there and found five dead bodies and sackfuls of rice, bread and other things. We organised a feast there, listening to the drone of search  helicopters or planes. It was only on the third day, we heard a helicopter flying over our village and since they were looking for the crashed helicopter they didn't notice them.
                  As if some conspirators, we crawled to the man's hideout in the cave and told him about the helicopters. He owned a Chinese radio, which he pulled out from his bag and tuned to the News. No, they hadn't found the helicopter and were pulling off the search because of bad weather. The food that we had looted from the helicopter could feed our village for three months,now that only five families were left in the village. Nobody wanted to leave the place. Who would? When you have food in your birthplace then why wander distant lands in search of food?? The pilots and others were as dead as a stone so we couldn't help them much. If we reported the concerned officials about the crash site then we would have to leave our village! This feeling wasn't expressed by anyone among the twenty people who were left behind in their own village...we understood this as if we were linked in some secret communion. If the food got finished then we had to think of leaving the place but now we were not in the mood for that.
                                Conscience doesn't let a man sleep sound. We were all desperate people, we had no means of income. If we ever moved to some different place, we would end up as some manual labours and our expectations were just the opposite! Most of us were above forty and leading a life, working like a dog being whipped by the lashes of our employer's tongue would be unbearable! That would not be a life at all.
                                 The months passed away and the crash site was never found because it was deep in the mountains and whatever could be seen from the sky, we had hidden with utmost care. The bodies had been given a decent funeral on the second day of the crash and we had hidden all the sacks in a cave.
                                 After three months when we went to bring each person's share from the cave, we noticed that not much of the aid was left there. It would hardly last for three more days, we were shocked!
                          'I have an idea,' the man from the city said calmly. All the heads turned towards the man, he was a man in his fifties, beaten up, wearing ragged clothes.....nothing from the city was left in him. We just thought of him as man who had gone a bit round the bend. He lived in a cave, never washed himself...neither did we by the way.
                          "Tonight as you go to bed....all of you will imagine that we will get some help tomorrow. Imagine some people coming here to help us.Imagine them providing us food and clothes. Imagine as if it is real and please don't wish ................just imagine."
            There we were inside a cave, feeling lost in our lives, gazing at the remnants from our loot and listening to a psycho. But what else could we do ??
              "How will that help us ? " Someone asked with a bit of irritation mixed with disbelief in the voice.
"You will see for yourself," that was all he said.
               "What else can we do than imagine?" I found myself speaking out aloud even though my own voice sounded so strange to myself. I looked at the hopeless faces in front of me, looked at their clothes or rags, I looked at their wrinkles and read the stories they told........ struggling for a piece of bread throughout their lives.....the utter meaningless of our lives. They had families and love in their families but still all our endeavours seemed so so futile.......... were we born just to face this constant struggle? I wondered what the outcome of this life would be? Here we have no religion, we just live as humans....simple villagers with simple desire....we never had high expectations. The highest expectation must be our need for food. We eat and we die..just like the many creatures which die everyday........... turning into manure . We never thought about the values of life and ambitions because our environment never made us feel that. We never could strive for something glorious because our feet were always bound.....
                             That night, me and my wife imagined that something good would happen the next day, we imagined that our child would grow here among these mountains, he would hunt these forests and flirt among the mountains.........we imagined he would grow up...wild and free. Tomorrow something would happen and it would stop us from leaving this wonderful place where we had spent our youth singing among the mountains. I remembered how I had killed the first pheasant with a catapult and how the whole village had feasted on it. I remembered how I had accidentally killed a pregnant deer and a puja had been held to cleanse myself from the sin. We had performed a puja after we had looted the helicopter crash too.I remembered how I had scaled the nearby peak at the age of seventeen and how my neighbour's daughter had offered herself to me the next day.
                                 No.............I didn't want to leave this place. But would another helicopter crash tomorrow?
                On the last day of our stay at the village, after all of our heartrending imaginations had failed to yield any miracles and we had done away with the last piece of  grain, some soldiers appeared at the stone gate of the village. First they aimed our guns at us but when they were assured that they were out of harm , they lowered their guns and stared at us with disbelief in their eyes.
                  The next day a helicopter arrived and deported us to the district headquarter where all of us were interrogated separately. Their only question was how we had survived in that place , they thought we had to be dead. But we weren't ....and we had already made up an answer for such an occasion immediately after we had stored the grains in the cave.
                   They believed us. We were given new clothes and employment for each in the town. But our imagination session has not stopped, because we know we can change a lot of things by just dreaming. We always meet during the evenings and discuss on what our next imagination should be.
                   We imagine someone getting well when he/she gets sick and the next day he/she gets alright. We imagine the death of our enemies and after some days they die. We imagine possessing luxurious things like TV, car, houses, mobiles for every hand and the very next day or some days later we find them on the roadside. We are trying to establish an institution whose focus will be mainly on teaching people the art of imagination but this hasn't been quite successful . The predominant reason for this failure is the thinking the others have about us.....we feel they think we are nothing...that we don't exist...we are uneducated....we are some refugees from some other country and nobody even talks to us, not a word as if we were some outcasts. But if they only listened to us.............................. we would teach them how  to change this world!




                POSTSCRIPT:   Immediately after the crash, the army had led a search for the crash site but due to unfavorable weather conditions, the search had to be abandoned for three months. On February 13 the search was revived again and aerial support pin pointed the crash site which was hidden in the mountains. The search party led by the army found the wreckage and the bodies of 25 victims scattered all over the mountains. The strange thing was that there were only two crew members and three aid workers on the helicopter during its flight. The other corpses, as the search party guessed, belonged to the villagers from the nearby village. Their bodies looked emaciated....most of them must have suffered from malnutrition for a long time. The search party noticed that each of the villagers had stuffed themselves with the handfuls of grain.....alas they were too late.......all of them had perished because of the bitter cold......... they had no clothes on.
                    

Monologue

                                                       Stuck at the Heart


Half of my youth was spent in meditation. I wandered and gazed at unforeseen skies within myself and became one with the universe. The mystical experiences were so enthralling that sometimes I felt I’d become God. Whenever and wherever I closed my eyes, I’d find myself engulfed in an ocean of silence and peacefulness. Most often I had to stop myself from closing my eyes lest I might become addicted to that feeling. For hours and hours I used to sit cross legged and watch my breathing, feelings and thoughts. Samadhi was my only goal and sometimes it seemed so near that I even had ideas about becoming a new messiah.

Reminiscence

 Pakhribas................that Pakhribas                                                                                                                                           Oh!! And we watched a lot of Hollywood movies and got the first view of the TV during the 80s, we learned to laugh at the hilarious scenes from those English movies even though we didn't understand what they meant. I remember how  I had explained a kissing scene from a movie to one of my elders, like a film critic,"Do you know when these people kiss then they have already joined their sexual parts on the below." That bro had laughed and said,"Is it so?Is it so?" That was a different time, then Nepal was so narrow, the world for me was just my village and now when I reminisce those moments I feel it wasn't just for me but to many more who lived there in Pakhribas, it was the whole world for them. Pakhribas was a much adored destination for the job-seekers. Years later, during one of the conversations with my Principal from the school in Kathmandu. he had expressed his bitterness," I, too, had gone to your Pakhribas once in search of a decent job but I didn't like that place at all!" But I understood what he meant really!! He had not been qualified in the job even though he had cleared his Master of Science. But neither my father had attended school nor the Operator Grandpa! Because of the exposure they had among the British people, these old men fly away with their broken English with confidence!!

Reminiscence

Pakhribas, that Pakhribas!!पाख्रिबास, त्यो पाख्रिबास !!
             My father said that the Pakhribas Agricultural Centre was established in the 70s to reintegrate the ex-Gurkhas of the British Army.Its sole purpose during its establishment was to feed the Gurkhas with some agriculture sense so that they could spend their retirement being productive. Hence, most of the employees here were ex-Gurkhas, as I go through the memory lane. One man was there( he is still here).......everyone called him Operator.....he had been a radio operator during his tenure in the Queen's army and still everyone calls him Operator Baje(grandpa).Others were compounders, cooks and so on. They had wasted all of their youth fighting in the jungles of Malaysia, posted in Hongkong and maybe their employers decided to give them a good time in their retirement, and had collected most of them here. Pakhribas, then was an entertaining place......as I remember. When we were children, we used to try our best in watching the movies which used to be shown in the Center and mimic them the next day. The films which arrived on dokos from Hile  used to be labelled beforehand. Circulars used to be issued whether children would be allowed to view the movie or woman would be allowed to view the movie. Especially when they brought horror movies and movies with lots of sex scenes then we would not be allowed to view them. But they say prohibiting something is challenging the children to do that same thing, we, with whatever cost, would be determined to watch that special movie. Whether it be, we had to camouflage ourselves with leaves or climb over barbed fences. And the romance of every Sunday night would start, with the setting of the sun. ....